Crazy people

I remember like it was yesterday, and it was really 11+ years ago, people would come up to me at my dad's viewing/funeral saying it must have been God's will for him to pass. In my head, that's bull. He fought his body and disease for years. He was done fighting. I'm not saying he gave up.. I know there are things he would have loved to have seen and be a part of - see me graduate from college, helping to plan and be a part of my wedding, watching Shannon and me get married, see his great grandchildren, see our home and help us move in, paint, clean, help me with a small garden (next summer!).... He was young (early 60's) when he breathed his last. If he wasn't sick, I know he'd still be outside gardening and loving life. I smile with tears in my eyes when Audrey says she wants to be a farmer. He would have loved spending time with her. But, this is life. And life doesn't always happen as our dreams or hopes do.

I hated when people came up to me/us and said it was God's will. Why would God want those left behind to be hurting? Sure, we knew it was coming, but you can only prepare so much and then reality of this person NOT being in your world ... becomes just that - a reality. A very harsh reality that hit me in the face, and still does. I miss him. I've had dreams about him and I don't want to wake up. When I sit still and just think about him, this is my picture - No shirt, super dark skin from gardening (I missed that gene somehow!), usually blue pants, not jeans, but pants. A trucker-like hat on his head that covers his full head of dark hair. And his water jug in hand. Always had the water jug of ice water at home. Oh, and the big "Tony smile". 

(I realize as I continue to type this blog should probably be split into two... but my brain brought these thoughts together. So they are going to stay together)

There has been a bit of weird stuff going on in the world.. Even though (in my opinion) God is ultimately in control .... people are still crazy. I also think in the crazy times, God sits back and lets the crazy happen. Granted, He already knows what the outcome is going to be, and how we will all react to it, but WE don't know what's going to happen or how WE are going to react to massive chaos. Do we yell, scream, curse, and question? Of course. But, do we also look for the slight sliver of a silver lining? It's not the easy thing to do, and it may take a while to find the positive, but it's floating out there somewhere. When we sit in the quiet we can find the good..


Bad things happen to good people, just as easily as good things can happen to bad people. There is a local family that is dealing with the death of three family members, and a four year old girl who watched all this happen by her father. It breaks my heart thinking that girl is the same age as my daughter. However, I do know from personal experience good can come from that little girl and I pray for her and her future. She has an amazing opportunity to take a terrible situation and make some good out of it.


What I am not saying is that we need to accept the crazy. Because, really, we don't have a choice! The crazy is going to follow (sorry to be a ball buster!!). We live in an imperfect world. Shit happens. But we learn from mistakes, errors, issues, chaos, and attempt to better ourselves. The news is FULL of the negative... We only get a paper on Sunday, and really that's for the coupons and sale flyers. I rarely listen to the news because it's depressing. What sane person would want to openly invite negativity into your heart and mind? Sadly, there are times it comes at us full force and we need to deal with it (see blog post about social media!).


I'm challenging myself to do the extra. Go above what is necessary when I can. Go with my gut. Listen to that small voice. I believe the world can have less crazy in it for my children.