Monday, October 15, 2012

Good person.... Bad stuff.

I've been very thoughtful the past 24 hours. This is probably the most productive way for me to expel my thoughts into words, as well  as actions. 

Faith. How do I describe what faith is to someone? Specifically someone who may not have faith. I have faith in God.. but I think I may rely more on the hope than anything else. Why? I've had a lot of shit in my 30 years of life, but I'm still vertical. I'm in the process of making sure I am doing what I believe and am commanded to do. It's been a change, and it will be a touch, but so rewarding road. 

Today I was talking to a friend who has had similar life experiences. (Total shout out to her, Trish, right now. Check out her blog --- http://cherrysocks.wordpress.com/ --- it's funny, honest, raw, and inspiring.) Why do we keep things we are going through, went through, experienced to ourselves? Do we have any idea how theraputic it could be to another who is currently going through tough times? I'm challenging myself to live each day as if it were my last. That may mean saying the tough, honest, raw things about my life to another. 

So, back to faith, hope... Life is never easy. Where is the challenge in something that's EASY? We ALL have our hardships. Some are at varying degrees of difficulty, but everyone experiences pain, difficulty, and death. However, how one may process those seasons of life .... well, that's what can make all of us different. I'm not going to go through my laundry list of pain, difficulty and death. It's there. It's happened. It's my story. It's part of what makes me, me. However, I am trying my darndest to make the best of those difficult times. 

I know if I had been raised differently, wow.. things would be ... I'm actually scared to think of how my life may have been if some of the bad things hadn't happened to me. I am sad and wonder what kind of a relationship I would have had with my birth parents, and if I would have had siblings... But, I have friends and family that I wouldn't have in my life if their tragedy hadn't happen almost 30 years ago. The older I become the more I miss my daddy (technically my grandfather) and I wish he could have seen and met his (great) grandchildren. He would have loved them. But, I am able to tell my kiddos about their grandfather, his garden, his heart, and Heaven. If we hadn't experienced our miscarriages I don't think I'd be as thankful for my kiddos as I am. Audrey is learning so much at preschool and she LOVES it. Landon is such a happy baby and he has been such a beautiful blessing to our family. I almost forgot someone super important to me -- if my life had been different, I'm 100% sure I wouldn't have such an amazing husband. Shannon, I love you. I am so thankful for you. You and your family have been such a blessing to me. 

That being said, there is a song we sing at church that I think sums up how life is for all of us. 

Beautiful Things - Gungor 



All this pain  
I wonder if I'll ever find my way? 
I wonder if my life could really change at all?  
All this earth  
Could all that is lost ever be found?  
Could a garden come up from this ground at all?
 
You make beautiful things 
 You make beautiful things out of the dust  
You make beautiful things  
You make beautiful things out of us
 
All around  
Hope is springing up from this old ground  
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things 
 You make beautiful things out of the dust  
You make beautiful things  
You make beautiful things out of us
 
Oh, you make beautiful things  
You make beautiful things out of the dust  
You make beautiful things  
 You make beautiful things out of us
 
You make me new, 
You are making me new  
You make me new, 
You are making me new  
Making me new
 

1 comment:

  1. So encouraging! Wow! That is all I can say!
    Jammie

    ReplyDelete