The bitter time of the holidays.

I know I have blogged in the past about "Dark Days" .. (I always think of Gilmore Girls and Luke's Dark Day when he's mourning his father's death). Today, this week, this month... well, I've had a few dark days. I don't know if it's from all the change that we have experienced, the small things that trigger a memory, the idea of planting a garden in the spring, the wondering, the drive past the cemetery... Or the combination of everything.

It would be easy to feel sorry for myself, and yes, I am taking today to do just that. I do wonder what kind of a relationship I would have had with them.. and if I would have had any siblings.. or who I would be TODAY. Today, December 18, 2013. Thirty-one years after they have passed away. Thirty-one years. My dad would have been 55 years old, and my mom would have celebrated her 50th birthday a week ago. However, I can't live in the what could have been, or the what if, or the could have... I have chosen to embrace a gift that my parents weren't given.

When I sit back and think about it, I have already been able to do so much more than they ever could -- I am in my 30's. I was able to see and be with my daughter for her 1st birthday... and I am so thankful I have been able to see her 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and am looking forward to seeing her 6th birthday in March. I am thankful she has a sibling and I have seen him grow into this amazing little boy who has me tightly wrapped around his little finger. I am so thankful to have seen him grow his first year of life, and I am so excited to see what the future holds for him. I am thankful for the past 10 years with my husband. Life could have been a very different deck of cards for me but I am so ... ridiculously grateful for how life.

Newspaper clippings from my parent's accident (December 1982)

A friend of mine from college was at my work a short time ago. I lost it thinking about my dad and how much he liked her.. and how much it meant to me that she attended his funeral. This time of the year reminds me of a particular Christmas and a holiday party we went to. The hosts of the party (to about a hundred or so people) selected my dad to "sing" in the 12 Days of Christmas. He hated every single second of that.. and every time he had to "sing" Three French Hens I think my mom slid more in her seat until she was almost under the table. It makes me laugh with tears in my eyes thinking about that memory.

This past May it has been 12 years since he said goodbye to his pain, suffering, and met his Jesus. I miss him. I know I could use him this spring and summer when we plant a garden. When I was growing up, my dad had two HUGE gardens. You name the food and there's a good chance he could grow it. The garden will be in his honor and memory. I also see time in the garden as time to talk to him. So, if I give you some food next spring/summer, and it's a little extra salty, it's love from shedding happy tears.

He taught me to be honest, to speak when it's necessary, but also to be true. He taught me to love life because we aren't guaranteed tomorrow. He taught me to be thankful for what I have because it could be taken away in an instant.

I have chosen to see things differently. To be cautious. But to love those around me passionately. I want my kids to know DAILY I love them. I am thankful for them. I hate yelling at them, but I also want them to grow up to be respectful adults. I want my husband to know I am so thankful for him. He is my rock. He has been through the good and bad with me. He stood next to me as we said goodbye to my dad.

At this time of the year we tend to think about presents... Today is a present. I am so thankful I can open that box today, and I hope I can continue to open the day for a long time.

Decade.

11.29.2003

It feels like yesterday that Shannon and I were planning our wedding, prepping for marriage, but it's really been 10 years. A decade. We had been dating 5 years prior to that date. We have been together for 15 years. There is a lot of history between us. A lot of good times, speckled with the trying times of life. But I can't imagine my life without this man.

I wish I had the words to be able to write a book about how thankful and blessed I feel today. But, I can't. I am .... so blessed. 

Shannon -- Love you, babe. Thank you for what you do for me and our family. I can't imagine my life without you. I look forward to what to today and what lies ahead for us. With you by my side, I am successful, happy and challenged to be better. You try to complete my sentences, but you know what I like on my sandwiches and what pizza toppings I like. You really are the peanut butter to my jelly. Love you. 

 

Post move update....

So, it's not much of a secret -- we have moved. Somehow we managed to (eventually) gather almost 10 years of memories into the largest truck possible, my Tahoe, pick up(s), and a trailer. It was ridiculous and so overwhelming to me/us. We went through a great time of purging before the move, and are still in that phase post move. There's a good chance the borough isn't fond of our trash loads. But, this too shall pass.

Our new home!

Here is how we are doing, roughly three weeks at our new place:
Shannon - awesome. He has gotten back to cooking normal meals instead of hamburger helper (insert gag face). He has quite a few outdoor (and indoor) projects to work on since the house has been vacant for almost a year. He's enjoying more family time, and less time on the road. We are loving the extra time with him. Plus, with Audrey riding the bus he's able to take her to the bus stop in the mornings if needed.

Audrey - fantastic. She has had to do so much adjusting. New room. New school. New teacher. New friends. Riding the bus for the first time. But, I think she is doing well. I asked her the other day if she was happy .. her reply was a solid YES. She, of course, misses her friends from her old school and street. We just need to make efforts to make plans and play dates.

Landon - That boy. We were preparing ourselves for many restless nights, but he's been a rock star. He's starting to try to form some independence, and it's a challenge. He's done well at going with the flow and we have tried to keep things as much the same as possible. Unfortunately, he has started to have an intolerance to dairy and car rides (insert masked emoji face). I am done with vomit in my car, his car seat, and on him. His car seat is going to get the boot once he has had a settled belly for a couple months. I really hope this goes away around the time of his second birthday...

And, last, as always, is me. I feel such a huge relief that this is done. When we signed at settlement I knew it was time to unload trucks, but it was all going to be okay. We have time to make this place our home. I have been ridiculously stressed out.. I think to the point I may have gone numb and didn't really feel anything. I am very on with my general appointments - eye doctor, dentist, hair, etc.. I haven't had my hair done in a good 6 months. The ONLY appointment I kept and made was for my eye specialist. And I told them to feel special because this was the ONLY appointment I was planning on making. This past week was the first we were able to get back to taking care of myself, my animals, my family, etc. I had taken a week from the cafe (and the good coffee) to take care of my family. So glad that I am at a place where I can do that and it's okay. I was able to get so much DONE. What a relief. We had no idea where to put a lot of our boxes so the ended up in the garage. By the time I went back to work we were able to actually use the garage for a car.

It's been a journey, but the journey of 'moving' is over. We are in the beginning of writing the next chapter about being able to live, love and find a new sense of normal. It feels like home now. We are all doing well, we are happy, healthy, and adjusting. It's also a great feeling to know we can start saying YES to invites now without feeling guilty.

Photos will come of the house. It's still a work in progress with a few boxes remaining. But a LOT less than we had 2 weeks ago :)

Thank you for following me/us on this journey!

Kindergarten.. already? How!?

Wow. I can't believe I have dropped my 9 pound bundle of joy off to Kindergarten. Oh wait.... she isn't my 'baby' .... she's growing up and she is becoming someone I am so proud to be able to call my daughter. She is excited.. she's excited for her music days, but when the time came for me to NOT walk her to her room, she was nervous, and unsure. Inside, I was too. But with a gentle, "Momma loves you" she was off.. and with a wave of her hand she is enjoying the next adventure in her life. I am so excited to see what she learns and I can't wait to hear all about her first day of school.

Our "Kissing Hands"

Pick up was perfect. I wasn't late, she was so happy to see us, and she was ready to go play with our neighbor. She had no interest in telling me about her day. So far, she loves kindergarten. I'm so excited to see what this year does for her. She's going to do fantastic.

So proud

Hugs!

And she's off... and I had tears rolling down my cheeks

She turned and waved! I cried. Love her.

(Audrey -- someday when you read this, remember, no matter how big you are, how smart you are, how many friends you have, remember - I love you. You are an amazing person. Whatever you set your mind to, you will accomplish. I love you to the moonlights. Always, your Momma)

Breathe in ... breathe out...

House update

(Originally written July 14)

Wow. I am in awe. Tears are in my eyes as I am writing. We have been given an offer, and accepted an offer. We are under contract. I am so thankful. Here is how God works in His timing and so not mine.

Closing date is set for September 27. Granted, that's not BEFORE school starts, however, we also don't have to rush out this week and find a place to put a contract. We have some time to find a place. I will have to drive her to/from school and work out some details, but she can start in Shippensburg. Man. That's going to be some early mornings! But it will be worth it not to pull her out a month after school starts.

The nice thing about us not closing in 30 days is we have more than a week to find a place. We have time, not a lot, but we do have some wiggle room. Not a lot of wiggle room, but we do have the pro of some time.

We have been immersed in praying big prayer at church. What perfect timing! To pray the bigger prayers, pray off the record, pray for the things that scare us. Yup. Perfect to be thinking about selling our home, finding a new place, and creating a small season of change for our family. The last month we have done a lot of big praying. Scary praying. But we have also put action behind our prayers (painting, open house, change in price, etc).

We are thankful. We are at peace with this change.

Now, onto some funny things about this process. It has been stressful, and it has been chaotic, but there are always moments of funny to relieve some of the tension.

This past week we painted, lowered our price, took updated photos, and set up an open house date. With the photos I hid as much as I possibly could. Like, putting dirty dishes in the oven ..... and then forgetting about the plastic dishes until the oven was preheated to 400 degrees. Oops. Well, Landon got a new cup out of the deal! Speaking of hiding things --- it's amazing how much stuff a person can hide in the washer, dryer, oven, closets, under the bed, under the couches... Or forget about said items. Like dirty clothes by the shower as a family is walking into the house for a showing. Yes, that really happened. We had a showing July 13, and the family wanted a second showing July 14, same day as our open house. I cleaned like a mad woman, left the house.... and then realized I had left dirty clothes in the bathroom. Blah. Came running back to hide said clothing in the washing machine. Who cares -- THAT family made the offer! :)

This road has been a road that I wasn't sure would ever come to an end. It has been a journey and we are at the beginning of the next phase of our journey. Thank you for everyone who has followed us to the beginning of the journey! Stay tuned for the next steps. :)

Father's Day

There are some holidays that are bittersweet for a variety of reasons. Mother's and Father's Day are days I should just stuff tissues in my bra and enjoy the day making new memories while revisiting my history and remembering.

We have had some disappointments with the process of moving. We are ready to get an offer, make an offer, box up our stuff, put it in a truck, unload our boxes, unpack them and make new memories. We are just ready. However, it's not happening as we thought that it would. So we wait.

Let me first say this - I love my church - Lifehouse. I/we have found the messages to be what we needed exactly when we needed them. As well as some comic relief -- Harlem Shake - CHECK IT OUT! I'm pretty sure we just watched that video about 20 times.. So, yes, hilarious, but also applicable.. Big idea I grabbed from today - Live a legacy. Not leave a legacy.

I know the basics of a Nobel Peace Prize, but had no idea how the prize came into existence. Turns out the gentleman, Alfred Nobel, read what was supposed to be his brother's obituary but it was actually HIS. From Wikipedia ---

In 1888 Alfred's brother Ludvig died while visiting Cannes and a French newspaper erroneously published Alfred's obituary.^[1] It condemned him for his invention of dynamite and is said to have brought about his decision to leave a better legacy after his death.^[1][7] The obituary stated, Le marchand de la mort est mort ("The merchant of death is dead")^[1] and went on to say, "Dr. Alfred Nobel, who became rich by finding ways to kill more people faster than ever before, died yesterday."^[8] Alfred was disappointed with what he read and concerned with how he would be remembered.

Can you imagine reading what was supposed to be a siblings obituary but it was actually your OWN?! Needless to say, Nobel changed his will and developed what we now know as the Nobel Peace Prize. I found that amazing. He was able to completely change and created a new legacy that day.

Also, there is a huge difference between God's will and doing what God has asked of me versus me taking God's will and doing things MY way. 

Joshua 5:13-15

¹³ Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, “Are you for us or for our enemies?”

¹⁴ “Neither,” he replied, “but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come.” Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, “What message does my Lord^[e] have for his servant?”

¹⁵ The commander of the Lord’s army replied, “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy.” And Joshua did so.

Trust. Faith. Believe. All words, emotions, and feelings that I have lost in our process of moving. I haven't been trusting. I haven't had faith that it's going to happen. And quite frankly, I haven't been on the believing side of things either. I have felt very alone in my prayers. I have felt like I was talking to myself versus talking to God. Today, that changed. In a quiet moment, Shannon and I both felt a small voice quietly, but with a loving firmness say --- Trust. Trust Me. I know what is best for you and your family. But you need to trust Me. Crap that's hard. Hard to trust. Hard to continue to follow what you believe in your heart is right, but then just wait. And wait. We have felt and have seen so many YES answers to us relocating that we, okay, I, am confused, frustrated and discouraged that we are still sitting. 

On another side of trust and listing to my Heavenly Father it also makes me think of earthly fathers. I miss my dad. There is no doubt about it. He passed away over 12 years ago, and today it feels like we just laid him in the ground yesterday. There is a lot I wish he could have seen before he passed -- my college graduation, my wedding and be able to walk me down the aisle, meeting his great grandchildren... helping me plant a small garden.. helping out around the house.. spending time with the family.. just loving life. I know he may have been able to see those things, but now I wish I could have been able to experience those life moments with him. I am so thankful for those of my friends who are able to change their facebook profile photos to their wedding day with their daddy. I am so sad I can't do that. He passed away shortly after my 19th birthday. Today I wish I had more time for more memories with him. I know there is a lot I have forgotten.. 

I remember him trying to sing "3 French Hens" at a Christmas party and my mom crawling under the table.. I remember days of him working in the garden, providing for his family.. I remember that when he spoke, people listened.. I remember the way he smelled and his aftershave.. I remember he always wore pants, no shirt, a hat, had his water jug and a smile on his face.. I remember his sweet spirit.. I remember that he loved his family and the Lord.. I remember him. And today as I am remembering him, I am hoping to also make memories with my little family. I am praying that what he taught, I will also be able to teach my kiddos.

May box!

I'll be honest, we have had so much stuff going on between Open House, cleaning, working, preschool, T-Ball, etc., etc., etc., that I had the pleasant surprise of just finding my box one day instead of stalking the tracking for it. So, while Landon is half asleep (boo to preschool jacking with any morning naps. Granted, the boy is also almost 17 months old and probably getting ready to transition into one nap versus two. Ugh.)

PEN!!! I'm a sucker for a great pen. I like pens that have a bold look to them, but also smooth. The fine tip Sharpie markers are some of my favorite --- but they can smear. This one doesn't. I do wish it was blue or black (I'm not a huge fan of various shades of ink. Messes with my eyes.) but the slight tinge of purple is a welcome change for me. Plus, it came with a coupon -- win-win!

Blush - Cargo -- it states it's waterproof... I don't live at the beach, or have a pool, but I do sweat. Oh, and cry. I've been emotional lately. It's almost like there is a little too much on my plate. Shocker. Oops. Sorry. Blush. I like the color! It's so nice for my skin tone! Just adds a slight pop of color and a little bit of shimmer. Totally recommend!

Toothpaste. Odd addition, but this also came the day after I bought a tube. Can you say a day late and a dollar short!? Oh well. It's minty and great, but I'm cheap. I'm not paying $10 for toothpaste unless it whitens, brightens, and tons my abs.

Hair Product! Miss Jessie's Jelly Soft Curls is a great product. It's light, but also seems to give some hold to my hair. I like when my hair has some gentle wave to it! The sample was HUGE too (twss) so I've been able to try it out for over a week. Huge plus! 

Moisturizer. Well, I had a blonde moment! I thought this was straight sunscreen and I don't do well in the sun. I burn. No, I usually turn fiery red and am miserable for days. Oh the sunburns... *shivers* So, I'm going to try this out today! Ha. Sounds like it has some great benefits to it .. cucumber, soothe and tone skin, and SPF 30. Granted, if you live in my neck of the woods it feels like winter has returned in May. Hello, Memorial Day? I'll bring my parka! 


While I have you -----

We are still sitting and waiting for an offer on our house. It's been frustrating having two open houses and NOTHING materializing from either. We have so much drive by traffic, but the showings are so sporadic it's disheartening. It will happen. Preschool just ended, T-Ball has another two weeks but then I'm ready to be moving ahead. But if you or someone you know is considering a move to PA, think of our home. Email me for details.

Have a great day folks and Happy Memorial Day to you and yours!

God Will Lift Up Your Head.

I have enjoyed listing to Jars of Clay for years. Many times during their musical career, the lyrics have touched my heart, made me cry, encouraged me, became my song... the list could go on. I've blogged about their music before. I've also included these lyrics in another blog. Ironic that in two of the lowest times in the past two years I have blogged about timing, not having control, just waiting. The first time was when I was going through the process of two miscarriages, now as we are in the limbo state of selling our home, buying/relocating to a new home.
 
This may be redundant to post the lyrics since the video also includes the lyrics, but... I think there's something powerful about just reading the words.

So, for today, whatever YOU may be going through, this is for you (speaking to myself as well). Words of encouragement, hope, joy, comfort and peace.

God Will Lift Up Your Head

Give to the wind your fear
Hope and be undismayed
God hears your sighs and counts your tears
God will lift up, God will lift up, lift up your head

God will lift up your head
God will lift up your head
God will lift up your head
Lift up your head

Leave to His sovereign sway
To choose and to command
Then shall we wandering on His way
Know how wise and how strong
How wise and how strong

God will lift up your head
God will lift up your head
God will lift up your head
Lift up your head

Through waves and clouds and storms, He gently clears the way
Wait because in His time, so shall this night
Soon end in joy, soon end in joy
Soon end in joy, soon end in joy

God will lift up your head
God will lift up your head
God will lift up your head

Writer: MASON, STEPHEN DANIEL / LOWELL, CHARLIE / HASELTINE, DAN / ODMARK, MATT / DP,
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Shaving cream and body lotion..... and some April box opinions :)

Right now, coffee has brewed, Landon is asleep, and I have 2 hours to work out and get a shower before picking up Audrey from preschool.. But this opinion blog will be short, sweet and to the point!

Whish! Shaving cream smells amazing.. Blueberry! Yum. But, I like a lather, and this didn't lather up for me. I'm also way cheap -- I would never spend $20 for shaving cream unless it was also going to eliminate body fat!

Body Lotion -- okay, ladies, let's be honest --- who does NOT have a drawer full of body lotions? I could use another bottle of lotion like I need a hole in my head. Again, it was lotion.. but I wouldn't spend $22 on it... (Unless there was a guarantee to eliminate body fat, cellulite, and the like!)


-------------


While you are hanging around... Here is part of my April Birchbox

Macaroons -- honestly, I wouldn't buy them. Landon ate them, because he eats almost anything.

CC Cream! I use BB Creams, and I was curious to know, feel and see the difference in a CC Cream. I think I would go back and forth from one to the other. I tried it out and went to work. I ran around like a crazy person that night, and didn't feel oily. Rare, and something I appreciate in this time of the year. I think the name "Supergoop!" is just hilarious and would consider purchasing this item for the name :)

Eye Cream -- hello 30's! Yes, I have been using eye creams for a long time. And I will continue to use them! Ha. I like how this one feels, and if it wasn't $65 I would probably purchase. It would last forever, but I couldn't go to a store, spend $65 on one item and walk away. A little dab will do ya on this one... I like how this one felt, and it didn't smell. My eyes didn't have a reaction. I will use the sample dry, and debate about getting a full size item :)

Limbo...

First, I don't do well with change. I like the same, the normal, the predictable. Second, I don't like not knowing what is coming, or not having a date attached. Third, I'm ready to finish one chapter in our lives, and start another. 

That being said ..... We had an open house this past weekend. I knew it was okay to be disappointed, when my realtor was ALSO disappointed. Blah. I know this process of moving is just that -- a process. In my/our own (and extremely humble opinion!) we have a beautiful, well-maintained home in a great location. The only downfall of our place is there is no basement, crawlspace, yes, but no basement. (Maybe I should post some photos of the pond that happens next to us when we have crazy amounts of rain... and THAT'S why there is no basement.) However, there is a TON of storage elsewhere. Why in the world do I feel the need to justify my own home? Blah. 

We have some interest, but no offers. We have placed offers, but I am so curious to know what it feels like to read and receive an offer. We know what it's like to be disappointed with a counter offer... but we haven't had the opportunity to make a counter, or flat out accept an offer. 

I'll be honest - I'm frustrated. I thought this was going to be easier. A dear friend reminded me that the right family may not be looking just yet, or just haven't made an appointment to see our home. I'm being selfish and expecting this to happen in MY time. Hey, Bran --- it's not going to.. 

God.. May all things work together and fit together so perfectly that we know it's from You. Place the perfect family into our path and show us the perfect next home for our family. For the billionth time, or so it seems to me, I give this to You. I just realized how impatient I can be, Lord.. I have in my heart that I hope to have the process complete by the time Audrey goes to Kindergarten... it's not even summer yet. Spring is still blooming - as are Your blessings and provisions for us. Thank You for that reminder. As the trees bud, and flowers start to blossom, I am reminded that You are in control. It was the spring time we let go of getting pregnant and now we have the blessing of Landon in our lives and home. I thank You for the opportunities we have been blessed with. Thank You. Your perfect timing, Lord, not our impatient timing. Amen.

March Box (and other tidbits!)

This box had its perks as well as its disappointments. Out of the 5 items - a nail file, eye primer, acne gel, body lotion, and shaving cream - I have tried 2 of the items already. Oh well. A sample size of some items will come in handy!

First, the eye primer. I love Benefit. The packaging is uber cute, and I really like how my skin feels with the products. Stay Don't Stray Primer does a great job. It's neutral for my skin tone, and it doesn't feel icky. Plus, it's also a very matte finish and my eye shadow doesn't sink into my itty bitty wrinkles. Blah. Getting older... Anyway..

A nail file. Okay. Let's be honest - a nail file, to me, is a nail file. The plus, is that it does come in a plastic sleeve so I won't file off polish, skin, etc. Nail File is pretty, so it will get use :)

This Blemish Serum couldn't have come at a better time for me!!! My chin has been broken out for a week or so and I hate it. Thirty something and still get acne. Ugh. Hormones (that could be a whole blog in and of itself ... with a LOT of tangents!) But, seriously, this serum is great. It doesn't feel like a medication, but it has also cleared up my chin. YAY!!! So, I would totally recommend... and may have to purchase for future references!!

On another note ---- I thought my pants seemed to have less of a muffin top the other day. I measured myself today on a whim to see if there really has been any change. I'm going to remeasure and weigh tomorrow to make sure, but I think I have lost an inch in my mid-section! Talk about a confidence boost! Even today I think my jeans are looking better and have less stuff coming out the top :)

With that being said --- Happy Friday, friends!

Holy cow. Been busy!

So, I just realized it's been almost a month since my last blog. Needless to say, things have been busy! My part time barista job is going well! I enjoy being able to get out of the house for a little bit, make money for our family... Plus, it also gives me, and my kiddos, a break from one another. I love them, but we certainly do appreciate each other when we are apart. I'm feeling much more comfortable completing the tasks at hand which is good! Still learning, and slow, but I think I'm doing well...?? Hopefully!

House --- We've had some interest, nothing uber serious, yet... I feel like we are in a hurry up and wait phase of selling. There is an interested family that is also selling their home, so we will see. We have seen quite a few homes in our new area that we can cross off our list of potential future homes. But, as of right now, it's okay. We don't have any time restrictions to force us into a place. We have had quite a bit of interest in the past month.. We are just waiting for an offer to begin seriously looking for our next place.

My blessings

Kiddos. Oh dear. They are ridiculous :) Audrey has a date for Kindergarten registration (seriously, when did THAT happen?!) and I know she will do amazing. If she is able to focus on the task at hand. She's doing very well in preschool and she loves it. This girl loves her toys. And she loves to line things up and have elaborate stories.  However, she doesn't always clean up as she should. So, every item I have picked up goes into a bin and she can earn as many back in a day as she wants through picking a task, helping out around the house, being kind, or because she's just been a good kid for that moment.

Did I mention she turned 5!?

Her task - clean under the couch. She took it up a notch and vacuumed almost 2 rooms.

Landon. OMG. This boy. He's a hoot. And, if he could, I think he would be able to eat his sister under the table. He is learning and using signs! It's been amazing watching and hearing his vocabulary grow. He can sign please, more, thank you... He loves 'ba' <-- banana and will eat an entire one to himself. He has no interest in walking, but he can crawl in a hurry to get what he wants!

Bath Time!

Digging in the girly toys

Did this yesterday. I am sore today! LOVE IT!

The other thing I have picked up, again, is working out. Jeans I bought a few months ago are tight, and I hate it. I hate feeling limited in my clothes that I am comfortable wearing. I want to wear the trendy, cute items. So, I have joined Planet Fitness and I am also trying to be more aware of what I am eating, what I give my kiddos to eat, and how much water I drink. I follow other moms who have lost crazy amounts of weight and realize there is NO REASON why I can't do it too. That being said, my first goal is to loose 25 pounds by June 1. I want to be at least 50 pounds lighter by the time another baby comes into our lives. A dear friend has started a support group on facebook and it's been so encouraging to hear how others are DOING IT. Making a change, eating well, seeing differences in their bodies. I really do need to take some dreaded before photos, and measurements, so I can see where I was and how far I have come. (Note to self. Add that to the To Do list!)

Black sparkly headband

In all this chaos, I still make time for yarn. Love my yarn time. A chance for me to relax and unwind.. I seem to be on a bit of an animal streak -- snake scarf, monkey hat, frog hat.. I just realized that! HA!! But, I've also made headbands, fingerless mittens, and working on a blanket for Landon. And, yes, that blanket may end up being huge because IT'S THAT SOFT AND I WANT IT! We'll see. It may happen. 

Snake scarf

Monkey hat.

Gloves I almost kept for myself! :)

Gray headband with flower pin

Uhm, yeah, January box....

So, things have been busy. (See previous posts about moving, changes, etc.) I have spent a good bit of my free time painting, boxing extra things we don't use right now and prepping as much as possible for our impending move. That being said --- my January box has been slightly neglected. I still haven't used everything and my February box is hanging out in my bathroom. So, to the things I have used (for time sake, I'm going to lump as many products in one post as possible).

JAN BOX

The Balm Cheek Color--- love this cheek color! And the packaging is way cute. It's a great flushed tone of pink. I really like it. A lot. Plus, it's a magnetic sample. Great sized sample actually.

Skinny Chic Perfume -- I liked this one. It was sweet, citrus, young, fresh scent. I would consider purchasing this one for myself. Or if anyone wants to get it for me as a gift... ;)

FEB BOX

Balm eye color --- love this. It's a great shade, some shimmer, but it's a great all over shade or base. It's a keeper for me! Same packaging as the balm cheek color. Love it! I'm a sucker for cute packaging :) 

Dr. Jart+ BB Cream --- OMG. LOVE! This gives me a nice matte finish for an everyday look. I really like BB creams for the multi-purpose aspect of them, but this one just takes it a step further. Seriously, wish I could have gotten this in a full sized sample :) 

Okay folks, more opinions to come!

Ramblings..

Ever have a day when you really aren't sure what to think or feel? I feel like I've been in a thought bubble.. and those thoughts may have become clear. Maybe. If not, life is about learning, making one better, challenging self, and loving others. 

Church on Sunday we were challenged to meet our literal neighbors and LOVE OTHERS. We have a for sale sign in our home. Makes it a little awkward to make a connection and leave. However, I realized I don't know my neighbors. Some of them I know them as the color of their home, not their name. Mondo fail. We have lived here for almost 10 years. However, I do believe that I can make an impact in other's lives. I am starting to learn more about the people I work with instead of just making drinks and sandwiches (By the way, an espresso machine is a totally welcome gift now!). One girl has 4 siblings, another married a man who had 8 children. A job isn't just about the task at hand, it's also about the people you/I work with. It's the atmosphere you help to create --- or tear apart. 

I try, it's not always easy, but I TRY to be the positive influence. I try to help others as much as I can. I try to see the good things that COULD happen with change. Even the title of this blog - Dancing in the Rain. Life is not easy by any means, but dance. Love. Laugh. Take time to enjoy the small things that really do matter. The rain comes, and the rain goes -- but the rain, oh the smell of sweet rain. The smell of the flowers after the rain. The look of a tree or grass glistening in the remaining water drops. The sound of a soothing spring shower. It's almost magical. 

Today is Fat Tuesday. Man, I could eat a donut ... (I may swap for red velvet whoopie pies!) but it almost makes me think of the next season -- Lent. A time to reflect, give up, penance, pray. For me and my family, I think it's perfect. We are entering a season of change, but change can be good. Ya know, Sheryl Crow -- a change can do ya good... ;) Focus. Change. Something different. Getting out of a rut. Carving a new path. It can be scary, but so rewarding in the end. 

On another slightly coherent thought --- I recently started to follow Donald Miller on twitter (@donaldmiller). Wow. I have never actually read any of his books, that we own, but his words are so real ... raw ... spot on. Yesterday he blogged about worrying. And, really, there is no point in worrying. (Reminds me of this song --- Three Little Birds.) Worrying is exhausting. It will all work out, eventually. Here is a link to his blog about worrying. I really liked it. Donald Miller - worry. I enjoy the post from today too ... written by his dog, Lucy :) 

Right now, we all have the present. The past has made us who and what we are. The future -- it's scary, but also not guaranteed. I'm learning that I want to live in the present. Be present. Be there for my kiddos (even as I shush my eldest) and my husband. I leave this blog with a challenge -- live in the present, with a hope for the future. Love others while you are able to do so, and have that love reciprocated.

So, here's what's going on...

1. We are planning to move. We are planning to make a move about 30 minutes away from our current location. It will be closer to my husband's job. I feel weird putting we are moving to THIS town on my blog.. so if you really want to know, email me. 
2. Our home has signage, a listing, and ready to be viewed by potential buyers. It's weird seeing our home with photos of our stuff for others to see. I know it's a good thing for us as a family, but it's been an emotional week for me. I feel like the sign in our front yard is staring at me. If you know someone looking for a home, let me know. It may be a match!
3. I have picked up a part time job. I'm a barista. Never thought I would say those words!!! It's been an experience learning how to use an espresso machine, but I may have to buy one now. Slightly addicted to it. That may go on my Christmas list this year. Or, I'll put back money and buy it for myself.
4. We have found a home we L-O-V-E. It's in a new development, price is negotiable, and it has a lot of what we would want or need to have the potential to stay as our kiddos grow up. We could see ourselves there. And it felt like home. Very similar feeling we got when we saw our current home almost 10 years ago.
5. And now, we wait. We are, who am I kidding, SHANNON, is talking to lenders about a loan. I'm waiting to get the call about potential buyers and scoop up everyone and get out for a bit. In my spare time (I know, laugh. Spare time, what's that?) I am trying to finish up our painting, and box up the items we probably won't be using the next couple of months. Granted, some of those items may be getting boxed up and going to GoodWill, but it's going to be a process. 

This has been an emotional change for us. This home is where Shannon and I started our marriage, became a family, and then grew as a family. We really do love it here, but we both feel like it's the right thing to do for our family. 

A change can do some good.

Ugh. Change. I'm a creature of habit. Change really messes with me. However, we are in the beginning stages of making a big change for our family. 

Since Christmas, we have been tossing around the idea of relocating to another town. A 20-30 minute move north of where we are now, would cut 250 miles off my husband's commute in a week (he drives 60 miles one way). Not only the miles, but the time we'd be able to spend as a family are priceless. Plus, the town we are looking at has lower taxes, a great school, friends already established, and a cheaper housing market. 

I have been blessed to stay home with my kiddos the past year and I have loved almost every day :) However, there are days I'd be okay with spending time with some adults and having a real conversation versus talking in the simplest sentence ever. I love being a mom. I love seeing my kiddos grow up, change, advance and learn new things. While they are still little, I want to spend most of my time with them, but there are times it's also necessary to make some extra money. I love making things (see Brandie's Basket) but since I'm not a sweat shop, and handmade items take a while to make, I really can't make much money. Boo. 

With this move, we also talk heavily about our financial situation. With Shannon's pay we could ALMOST be pre-qualified for the loan we would need, however, just a little extra would put a nice cushion in our account and definitely put us in a good standing for a loan. That being said ....... 

A few months ago I applied at Jo-Ann's for the holidays. I don't know how much money I would have actually made... but it just didn't feel right. I had that uneasy feeling in my gut about the situation. So the idea went under the rug for a while. Enter the potential move --- the idea made me want to vomit. I really didn't want to try to juggle multiple schedules again. It's exhausting. And, I didn't want to be in a situation where we would have to pay for childcare on a weekly basis. That defeats the purpose of me working if we are paying someone to keep our kids. 

We love local businesses, and prefer to support local businesses when possible. Shannon was shopping in a small, local, family owned grocery store and noticed they had some applications floating around. At the time they weren't hiring, but would probably be within the next few weeks or months. Why not? He snagged one, I filled it out, dropped it off and just waited. I didn't have to wait long. I had an interview, they had another interview to conduct, and I would know by the following day. I was so distracted with packing for vacation that the waiting wasn't terrible. I got the job in the cafe of a small business!!! (You local folks can probably guess where you can find me a couple hours a week.) So many blessings have come from this --- 1. I didn't feel nauseated at the thought. 2. They are willing and able to work around Audrey's preschool schedule. 3. It's actually decent pay! 4. I like coffee and I'm excited to learn how to make different varieties. 5. I like the dress code - their polo shirt, apron and hat paired with jeans and sneakers :)

I start Monday, tomorrow, morning. I'm getting excited! We will probably put our home on the market within the week or so, and start looking at new places soon. Lots of change, but it all feels right. If I am lacking in blog updates - I apologize. But, let's see --- I have some painting to accomplish, boxes to pack, things to clean up, crafts to make, a part-time job to go to, kiddos to take care of, etc., etc., etc. However, after all is done, there will be updates. Promise. I need a place to expel my word vomit :)

Civic Duties

JURY SELECTION AND JURY DUTY. 

I'll be honest -- I was trying to find every excuse in the book to get out of it. I had no desire to try to find day care for my kiddos (ugh!!!), take a day of my time, miss breakfast with some amazing ladies (and the possibility of bacon!) ... the list could go on. But really, I had no idea what to expect. I am no expert, but I do have a fresh memory of what happened the past two days and why if you are called to serve on jury selection and maybe even jury duty why you SHOULD.

1. It's your civic duty and US Citizen right. Jury selection/duty is something that makes the United States of America different. Plus, if you are called to selection, and duty, you are out of the pool for at least three (3) years.

2. Parts are uber boring, but there are times when I was really into what was going on (maybe it was due to the lack of daily adult interaction, but whatever!)

3. I have more of an appreciation for the judicial system and how it works. I have NO desire to be an attorney, judge, or any part of the judicial system, but I do like being able to have a better understanding. I feel smarter now. (And in more ways that one.. some of the excuses people tried to play on the judge to get out of serving were just down right stupid.)

4. I am not planning on committing any crime, but to see folks sitting out there, hearing all of their charges is quite the humbling experience. I have no desire to air my dirty laundry in front of 200+ individuals and feel their eyes on me thinking about what was done.

5. My 'bank' clothes still fit me - and fit me well! It was a nice change to get dressed in something besides jeans or sweats.

I'm sure there are more pros, but the only major con was finding folks to take care of my kiddos. One day is okay, but the VERY NEXT day was a struggle (preschool to/from, Landon, timing, how long). Thankfully, some very helpful preschool moms helped me out with less 24 hours notice, because I had less than 24 hours notice.. Blah. But, it's good. Kiddos were taken care of, and civic duty was complete.

I urge you --- when that jury summons is placed in you mailbox, fill it out and GO. It's worth it. Being on the jury is a responsibility, but it's one to not take lightly. It's interesting to learn the process. I had a crappy attitude about going prior, but I am changing my mind -- Jury selection and jury duty are a civic right and duty, similar to voting. So, DO IT!

29 Skincare

Birchbox.. It's so hard to get an opinion from a one time use product :( I think I liked 29 skin care but how can I be sure after only one use??? I like how it smelled, I felt moisturized, but I would have loved to be able to try it for more than one night.

I still have a nail polish remover pads to try... since my nails look like poo maybe I should do that today....

Rant. Vent. Mommy Drama. Morning from Satan.

Friday is supposed to be the fun day! The 'Yay! The weekend is almost here!' kind of day. I'll be honest - not so much today for this momma! Here's what happened:

Landon decided 5:30AM was a good time to wake up. No, son. That's too early for your momma. So, he nursed and went back to bed. For an hour. When he heard his daddy up and getting ready for the day. At 6:30AM, he was ready to go for the day. Crap-tastic. (I should also mention that he had his one year well baby check up at 9AM). So, we get ready and out the door by 8:40(ish). Without a doubt in my head and heart, this boy is going to fall asleep on the way to the doctor's office. (He usually naps during most of Audrey's preschool days) He is very warm, snoozing away while I get him checked in, hear an old man grumble about waiting at a doctor's office (what did you expect buddy? It's not a fast food joint! It's flu season - lots of people are sick), and walk back to our room. I can imagine being all warm and then getting naked isn't an ideal way to wake up. (sorry, Landon!) If he wasn't held, he was screaming. Yay. Poor eardrums. Doctor's office has a sign about flu shots.. Considering how terrible this year has been, I had asked about getting a flu shot for all of us. Did I mention that Audrey doesn't have preschool on Friday and was with us??? She hears SHOT and melts down. Crying more than her brother. I ask the doctor and nurse if they want to switch. A smile and polite shake of their heads was the answer. Blasted. Appointment, all things considered, goes well. I have no idea what he weighs or how long he is because it was THAT kind of an appointment. Doctor comes back in .... they are out of flu shots. I can go to the pharmacy for them. (Insert another 4 year old melt down session). No problem. We check out. Above mentioned grouchy old man is behind us laughing about his experience with the office today. Let's trade places buddy, then you can see things from another point of view! It would have been nice to have 15 minutes of peace and quiet instead of TWO screaming children. Blah.

Go to pharmacy. See a former co-worker and quick catch up. State law (I'm thinking now across the board) is no pharmacy will administer a flu vaccine to a person under the age of 18. They suggest I call the health department. No problem. Call health department. Yes, they do administer vaccines -- at specific times. Later that day in the afternoon. No way in hell I'm coming back out with my precious little darlings (haha. sarcasm.)!

Go to grocery store/gas station. I hate buying gas, but, hey thanks for taking off $2.17 from my $73 total. (Wow. I sound very cynical today!) Grocery store. I only need a few things. One being a rotisserie chicken. I see none. Blah. Crap. Grr. Ask around the different employees. Chickens come out at 11. It's a good thing it was 10:45 (so, yes, that means I was with the doctor for almost an hour and a half. With two kids. Blah.) I get the rest of my items and get chicken last. As I check out, I realize that one of the hats I made for Landon is MIA. No idea where it is. No in the cart, not on him (because he rips them off as soon as I put them on), not in my pockets, Audrey doesn't have it. Crap. Walk around the store where I know I was shopping. Nothing. Check customer service and all they have are nasty old man hats. Not cute little boy hats. Crap. Good thing I know where I can get another.

Back in the car around 11:15. I'm d-o-n-e and I realize the coffee I brought with me hasn't been touched. Ice cold. Semi perfect temperature. Audrey falls asleep on our way back home. Figures.

You can assume this afternoon will consist of naps for BOTH kiddos while I sit and crochet my son a new hat. I hope my crap-tastic morning has brought some laughter to you this afternoon. If not, come be a part of any outing done by a mom with her children.

Landon's 1st Year

Click here to view this photo book larger

Visit Shutterfly.com to create your own personalized photobook.

I'm in love with this book. It's been amazing watching this little boy grow and develop his own personality. We love him :) 

Brown Family 2012

Click here to view this photo book larger

Visit Shutterfly.com to create your own personalized photobook.

I love taking pictures. (Evidence - over 8,000 photos in a year.!!!!) However, there are some photos that wouldn't make sense to others, or that are just for me or my family... So, this year, and hopefully years to follow, we have decided to make a family yearbook. So, if you aren't able to come see the real thing, you can check it out online. 

(PS - Loved making this book! This is totally my kind of scrap booking.)

Landon.

OMGEEE!! Where has the past year gone?! I can't believe my baby is a YEAR OLD! This just doesn't seem right to me. I've taken his photos once a month on the 3rd to see how he's changing, growing, and becoming his own person. I just love this little boy. I'm wrapped. Unless he's screaming (high pitch, tone only a dog should be able to hear scream) for food (like R-I-G-H-T now).

You may want to know what he's into right now.. well, if not, I'm going to tell you anyway :)

-Food. Ha. I think he could eat his sister under the table if given the opportunity. 

-He also adores his sister. Wants to know what she's doing, how he can get in on it, and playing with her. I'm so thankful they do get along so well. 

-Blocks/balls are his favorite toys. Especially a stack of blocks that can tumble. 

-He is a momma's boy to the nth degree and I'm totally okay with that - most of the time.

-Our pets. When Neko walks, or rather saunters, into the room Landon starts making a 'kkk' sound and has a cheesy grin across his face. If he could master the art of a friendly pet he would have a few less scratches from the cat. Hopefully someday Neko will hang with Landon as he does with Audrey.

He can be an ornery little thing.. I've caught him on more than one occasion in the cat's litter box. Ew. I know. SO.GROSS! But, he is also so funny. The faces this boy duplicates gets me every single time. And he's learning to blink/wink. OMG. Melting. Love this little boy.

Newborn

1 Month

2 Months

3 Months

4 Months

5 Months

6 Months

7 Months

8 Months

9 Months

10 Months

11 Months

 (12 months to come!)

Saying bye to her elf

Even though this blog is title "Landon" I feel the need as a mother of TWO to mention my eldest. My mini-me. My personality clone. This girl loves school. She has been lost the past two weeks for Christmas/New Year break - she needs to get to school! She has enjoyed being able to have a more relaxed schedule and stay in her sweat pants (who can blame her!). I love listening to hear play and use her imagination. Granted, the story line rarely varies, but the things she can come up with makes me smile and laugh. It's been a joy to be able to literally hear her grow up and see her change. She loves all things princess and is excited to go back to Walt Disney World soon. (I just realized how much of a random hodge podge this paragraph is becoming!)

Preschool Christmas Party

I feel extremely blessed to be able to call these two my children. They light up my life, make me laugh, have a purpose, but also a determination to do all that I possibly can for them. 

Christmas morning!